There's 'The Snowman' on the telly
Empty beer tins in the hall
There's some dog s**t in the kitchen
Excrement stuck to the wall
And Mummy's in the bathroom
And she screams that she's insane
As she swigs a glass of vodka
And shoots up a well used vein
I hope that there'll be prezzies
When I wake on Christmas morn
Though I really haven't had some
Since the day that I was born
If I look in Dad's direction
He reminds me loud and clear
That I shouldn't look towards him
So I get a quick 'thick ear'
And once, a broken ankle
Plus a dislocated arm
And I hoped perhaps this Christmas
God would save me from such harm
Mummy's pretty kind though
Christmas dinner is the most
enjoyable, and last year
We had baked beans on toast
Our dog, 'Rex' is me best mate
When a saucer hit me head
He licked me wounds all evening
Even let me share his bed
So this year Father Christmas
If your passing down our street
I hope you stop and visit
To make Christmas time complete
And maybe Father Christmas
If there's room upon your sleigh
You might just take me with you
As I just don't want to stay