2015 - Trapped Inside Myself

[Seema Chowdhury]

I am losing count of my long days
I am losing count of bygone years
I feel deeply trapped inside myself
And do not find peace anywhere

I feel like a prisoner alone and sad
Where lingering view shows nothing
But the opposite end of the spectrum
Reflects mingled memories crushing

I spend my days and nights searching
For the unfamiliar answers of my 'Why'
But nothing except for hazy sketches
Strongly infront of me just standby

Because no one understands 
what I am going through
Even I don't know what to say
And how to smoothly get through

I never thought life will ever be
So cruel, so harsh and so hard
Where my fate will eventually hand me
Clueless hide and seek memory card

And I will remember nothing but
Jumbled up, bent and lost ways
And I will sit quietly but anxiously
Counting  long and meaningless days.

*** Written for my beloved mother, who is suffering from Alzheimer***

Seema Chowdhury
January 17, 2015

[Cindy]

I feel for those with the alzheimer's condition. One of my greatest fears is losing my mind and/or memory. It would mean losing myself to some dark oblivion. It's a very sad situation. I am so sorry your family must endure such a thing as this. Your poem is very moving.

[Stella]

A very cruel disease Seema i spent most of my working life in residential homes caring for people with this illness..i know how hard it is for both carer and patient..

[Karin Anderson]

You have put your heart and soul into this despondent poem you have written for your dear Mother and I hope a cure will be discovered before too long. It must be frightening for your Mother and upsetting for you and may God Bless you both Seema as Mothers are so special.

[Nightmute]

A write with a very different feel from you, Seema. You positively capture that helpless feeling of being lost and not understanding why. My own grandmother went through this same thing, her body healthy while her mind and memories slipped away...so much fear and horror in her eyes, especially during those moments of lucidness, and we could do nothing more than to be there with her and try our best to comfort her. A heart-wrenching write, Ma'am, and may the Lord bless you and your mother, Seema.