Just For You Poetry

a dark green pine tree
with bright white flowers, but then
screeching, they lift off


© K R Brandli 02/21/2015

My understanding of this very clever 14 worded haiku, Ken, has just elevated my opinion of you another 17 notches and set fire to my imagination. Thank you for that, you are a master.

Thank you Denys. You are very generous, but I think this one needs work. Not entirely happy with it. Watch this space.

That's entirely up to you. Maybe, just maybe, you could insert a dash at the end of line 2 and then maybe, just maybe, you could transpose the words in line 3 .... screeching, they lift off.

You and I think alike, Denys. last line already transposed. I, too, think it reads better...

Ken, please read my 2 messages. I think I have sent them but I am a little unsure as they seem to be sitting in my outbox.

Loved this Ken and the clever twist of the birds.. wonderful haiku.

this settles the reader into a wee daydream devoid of any drama - just a beautiful image then the twist - I was going to myself what kind of flowers are screeching - is this about the Day of the Triffids or something equally outlandish until it settled again with the realisation, like the branches of the tree, the way they bounce when birds launch from them then settle down....
cool haiku -

This is definately very clever. Great haiku.

Lovely haiku- I was just wondering whether "but then" is needed in L2

a dark green pine tree
covered with whitish flowers-
they lift off - screeching

Good thinking Sandra....thanks.